Reddit community opens woman's eyes to her mistreatment of own daughter: 'Apologize'

A woman on Reddit — after sharing her story — came back to the social media platform and explained in an edit that the community opened her eyes to her inappropriate actions toward her own daughter. And now, she said she’s made amends.

A woman describing herself as 43 years old said she has two children, a daughter who’s 21 and a son who’s 17.

She did not share her location.

She said she and her daughter’s father split up “shortly after [the daughter] was born, and I met my now-husband when she was about a year old.”

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The woman on Reddit went on, “Due to work and life circumstances, [the daughter] primarily stayed with her father but visited us on the weekends when she was younger. She’s an incredibly bright girl, she [already] has her AA [associate’s degree], she’s about to graduate with her BA — and she’s been accepted into a master’s program that starts in the fall.”

Added the mother, “I’m so proud of her. I can’t say that enough.”

However, the woman went on, her son “is graduating from high school this year, and I found out that his graduation is a few days after my daughter’s. We don’t live very close by anymore, so it would be back-and-forth flights, which just doesn’t feel practical.”

The mother added that since her daughter is “getting another degree, I’ve told her that I’ll attend her next graduation, but this time I’m just going to attend her brother’s, since graduating [from] high school is such a big step” for him.

“I’m just going to attend her brother’s [special occasion], since graduating [from] high school is such a big step.”

The woman said her daughter “seemed a little upset at first, but she told me it was fine and that she understood.”

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Then, however, the woman’s “ex called me later and told me that I wasn’t considering [the daughter’s] feelings in the slightest,” she wrote.

He told her that their daughter’s high school graduation in 2020 was “canceled due to [the COVID] lockdown, then her ceremony for her AA was virtual for the same reason — so now that she’s finally having one, my not going has really hurt her.”

The woman shared that she told her ex “that I’d go to her next one, and that it’s not fair that I just not show up for her brother.”

However, the ex wasn’t taking that.

“My thing is that yes, it’s possible — but it isn’t practical.”

He told the woman, she related, “that it’s more than possible for me to come see [the daughter] graduate and then fly back in time to see my son do the same. My thing is that yes, it’s possible — but it isn’t practical.”

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Apparently the daughter again told her mom “that she is a little upset about it, which is why she vented to her dad — but she apologized for making it an issue.”

Said the mother, “I don’t know how to feel about this now. Am I being an [a–hole] here?”

Fox News Digital reached out a psychologist for professional insight into this family drama.

Dr. Jayme Albin, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City, told Fox News Digital about the dilemma, “This mother is kidding her self if she thinks promising to attend her daughter’s next major accomplishment is amply sufficient to make up for not honoring her accomplishment now.”

Albin continued, “No one said all decisions need to be based on what’s the most practical, especially when it comes to raising your children. She clearly outlined the imbalance of time in her daughter’s life, yet is looking to focus on what’s best and most practical to her.”

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Said Dr. Albin, “Not only is she putting her own needs way before her daughter’s emotional needs, but she is creating a bad dynamic between her children by making one [seem] more important than the other — or maybe [the son is] just more convenient.”

On the Reddit “AITA” subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is “NTA” (“Not the A–hole”), “YTA” (“You’re the A–hole”), “NAH” (“No A–holes Here”) or “ESH” (“Everyone Sucks Here”).

“My daughter found this post, which wasn’t my intention.”

Overwhelmingly, Redditors found this woman to be the “AH” for her behavior.

More than 7,000 people reacted with nearly 4,000 people posting comments.

Wrote one commenter — someone with whom many others agreed — “It isn’t fair to pick between your son and daughter. If it’s possible to go to both [graduations], then you should. Even if it doesn’t seem practical.”

This same commenter wrote, “My other question is why is it even relevant … which parent she grew up with primarily? Both are your children.”

Wrote another person quite vehemently, “Sometimes part of being a parent is for your life to get extremely busy. It’s only for a few days — you can deal with it.”

This same individual added, “This is a milestone in [the daughter’s] life and you’re not going to bother because it’s an inconvenience for you?”

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This person went on, “Choosing between your children is just a sh—- thing to do, especially when you admit it’s entirely possible to go to both.”

Wrote yet another commenter, “I suspect [the original poster] has a long history of playing favorites as well.”

This commenter went on, “Also, am I the only one who suspects ‘due to life and work circumstances’ is just code for ‘I didn’t want her interfering with my new family?'”

Said someone else quite bluntly, “What a lousy parent.”

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Later, after her original post and after the responses flooded in, the woman came back and added a new piece of the personal puzzle. 

“My daughter found this post, which wasn’t my intention, but I did reach out to her to apologize for not being considerate of how this was going to make her feel.”

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The mother added, “I’m going to fly out earlier to spend more time with her and to attend her graduation ceremony.”